Frusfrated....

This evening about 3smtg, I accompanied my bf to cut his hair at Creative salon. Suprisingly i've met one of my secondary school's friend which i never see for about one year since i left STSD. So we sat down and had a little chat.

Me : hi cammie, so long didn't see you d. So what u plan to do now? Going MMU?
Cammie : I dunno. I'm kinda confused right now. I applied for Law in MMU d for the Feb intake
but i really not sure whether i want to take Law anot.
Me : Huh? So what exactly is in ur mind now?
Cammie : I wanted to take graphics design but my uncle which is a photogrpaher told me that
not many people can be successful.
Me : But your parents allow anot?
Cammie : Yeap, they've been very supportive.
Me : Aw.. how i wish my parents can be like ur parents. I fought for my future for four
years. I wanted to take fashion designing so so much but.... sigh... they disagree.

...........................................................................second scene.................................................................

During CNY, my cousin and her daughter ( my niece ) came and visited us.

Dad : wah... big d lo.. after form 5 wat course u want to take?
Niece : Dunno.
Cousin : She wants to take beautition la.
Dad : Oh.. good good. Can earned lots of money. Nowadays ppl go for beauty one.
Cousin : But her dad want her to work in office one but then she dont like.
Dad : I tell you la, most important she must like that course, if you force her to study
something she dislike, no use one. later she'll regret.
Me : ( very angry at that time, can't believe my dad just said that. )

wtf??!! They knew i wanted to take designing so badly but they still disagree with my choice. Giving me reasons like, " not a professional job la, not good la, economy down then no business la" It's so sickening especially he just said beautition is good. wth? I think fashion designer is much much better than beautition! and beautition is not a professional job too! Stop advicing others when you can't even do it on your own daughter! Now i have no interest in management honestly and you don't allow me to take the course i like. It's my future, not yours. Honestly i do noticed that i didn't study as hard as i can. I didn't put much effort on my studies. That's why I didn't get 1st class. I'm not smart so i need to work extra harder than the otehrs to gain better results but what stopped me from putting 100% effort in my studies?? What else? Studying the course i dislike. I'm very sure if i study design, I can be very good in it. Suprisingly the ideas that i design will suddenly out of no where became a trend. Just like years ago, I told my best friend. Now everyone wears jeans. Looks so plain. Would it be nicer if we use a short scarf to replace it as a belt? True enough it became so popular now.

I know i'm not good enough, that's why i liked to learn more about designs but seems like my dream have broken into pieces. Can't dream anymore. Last time I used to have very ambitious about being a great fashion designer. I even think about the interior of my boutique. Why can't I pursued the dream that i always want? why ? It really broke my heart. Whenever i think about this matter, this sad feelings will come again with lots of rage especially when i recalled what my dad told to my niece. However, I can't decide anymore. I'm already in MMU for almost 7months. What i can do is listen to my bf's advice, try my best to like the subject. By hook or by crook, I still gotta finished my degree. That was it. Bye bye to my fashion designer career. This will end with a sigh. Sigh...............................................

Just wish me the best of luck that one day i can walk to the path i always wanted too. :)